The Gift No One Talks About: Permission to Not Be Perfect This Holiday Season
December 2024
There's a particular kind of pressure that settles in around mid-December. You know the one, it whispers that you should be making magical memories, baking cookies with tiny handprints, dressing everyone in matching pajamas for the perfect card photo, and somehow also maintaining your sanity.
If you're a new parent, multiply that pressure by ten. Add in feeding schedules, diaper blowouts, and the well-meaning relatives who want to hold the baby during their exact nap window.
If you're an experienced parent, you're juggling all of that plus sibling dynamics, school holiday concerts, and the mental load of remembering which child wants what from Santa.
Here's what we wish someone had told us: The holidays don't have to look like Instagram to matter.
The Truth About Holiday Parenting
Last year, one of our clients shared something that stuck with us. She said, "I spent my first baby's first Christmas trying to create these perfect moments. I was exhausted, stressed, and honestly? I barely remember any of it. This year, with baby number two, I ordered takeout on Christmas Eve, let my toddler wear her tutu to dinner, and we just... existed together. It was the best holiday we've ever had."
That's the thing about parenthood, especially during the holidays. The magic isn't in the execution. It's in the presence.
What Actually Matters
Your baby won't remember whether you made homemade cranberry sauce or bought it from Whole Foods.
Your toddler won't recall if the tree was perfectly decorated or if they hung all the ornaments on one branch at their eye level.
Your kids won't look back and think, "Remember when Mom was really stressed about getting holiday cards out on time?"
But they will remember:
The way you laughed when the gingerbread house collapsed
How do you let them stay up late to watch the lights in the neighborhood
That time you abandoned dinner prep to have a spontaneous dance party in the kitchen
The feeling of being seen, heard, and loved, even in the chaos
A Different Kind of Holiday Checklist
Instead of the usual "must-dos," what if we focused on these instead?
Ask for help when you need it. Whether that's hiring overnight care so you can actually enjoy a holiday party, ordering groceries instead of shopping with three kids in tow, or telling your mother-in-law that yes, you'd love for her to bring a side dish instead of making everything yourself.
Protect one evening. Just one. Maybe it's the night you drive around looking at lights with hot chocolate (store-bought is fine). Maybe it's reading 'Twas the Night Before Christmas' in a blanket fort. Whatever feels right for your family, not for the photo op.
Say no without guilt. You don't have to attend every party, bake for every school event, or participate in every tradition. Some years, survival is the victory.
Give yourself the same grace you'd give your best friend. If she called you, overwhelmed and crying because the Santa photo was a disaster and she burned the cookies, you wouldn't tell her she's failing. You'd probably laugh with her and remind her that imperfect is still beautiful. Be that friend to yourself.
The Real Magic
Here's something we see at Rested that always gets us: When parents are rested, supported, and not running on fumes, they're more present. More patient. More able to see the magic that's already there, not the magic they think they should be creating.
That's why we do what we do. Not just to help with the overnight hours, but to give parents the space to actually be parents. To notice the small stuff. To have the capacity for joy instead of just survival.
This December, Try This
Pick one thing that actually lights you up, not what you think should light you up, and protect it. Let everything else be optional.
Maybe it's watching Love Actually for the 47th time while your partner handles bedtime.
Maybe it's that quiet hour on Christmas morning before everyone wakes up, when you can drink your coffee hot and just breathe.
Maybe it's lowering every single expectation you have and seeing what emerges when you're not white-knuckling your way through the season.
Because the greatest gift you can give your kids isn't a perfect holiday. It's a parent who's present enough to see them. Really see them.
And sometimes, that means permitting yourself to not be perfect first.
Need support this holiday season? Whether you're navigating your first holidays with a newborn or juggling multiple kids and wondering how you'll make it through, we're here. Learn more about how our Infant Care Specialists can give you the rest and support you need at restedco.com.
